Cleverbrane

Cleverbrane
Biographical information
Homeworld	Mount Awkward, Hfil
Physical description
Alternate Mode	Cement Mixer
Gender	Male
Sensor color	Dead grey
Personal information
Allies	Other Customercons
Enemies	Arbitrary Autobots, Bughunt
Profession	Cruel Scientist
Chronological and political information
Era(s)	Bored Fish era
Affiliation	Customercons

"Science says I'm right"

—Cleverbrane

An important part of any Decepticon army is an evil scientist who builds nonsense evil devices. Usually this role is taken up by the leader of their force. However, as the leader of the Customercons is somewhat unclear, the role is taken up by their dedicated, full time mad boffin, Cleverbrane.

From his evil science lab atop Hfil’s Mount Awkward, Cleverbrane builds all manner of evil devices, free from the concerns of funding, oversight, ethics or common sense. He usually will create new inventions at the rate of one a week, and have them ready to deploy against the Arbitrary Autobots by Saturday morning. And while these devices rarely work as advertised, often explode and never seem to actually stop their enemies, Cleverbrane remains undeterred and simply goes back to work.

According to Cleverbrane, the reason for these continued failures is clear. They are not the results of any design flaws with his creations, nor the fact that many of them make no sense and do not operate even remotely within the laws of physics. Instead, the problem is that the Customercons operating them are morons who can’t do anything right. And while this is true, it also overlooks the many, many problems his devices have. After all, when the first firing of the Electrothermoplastix cannon caused the barrel to melt, the power converter to burn out, a city-wide blackout and a sudden rain of fish while leaving the target unharmed, it was unlikely to have been user error.

This oversight does not just extend to his creations. Cleverbrane will gladly lecture anyone about how he is smarter then they are based on the flimsiest of arguments.

Cleverbrane has a long-standing rivalry with Bughunt from the Customercon Department of Digging up Nonsense Ancient Relics. Largely this is due to the pair of them competing against each other to provide new stupid plot devices each week.

Capabilities

Cleverbrane possesses the most sophisticated data processing and storage capabilities of any Customercon. According to him, his internal hyperprocessor operates at speeds of over a zillion quadrangles per fortnight, and he can store in excess of three things at once. While these figures are rather meaningless, they sound impressive and the Customercons seem to accept whatever he says because he is a scientist.

Over the course of the years, Cleverbrane has come up with numerous evil devices of questionable utility. These have included the Sun Crusher (A nutcracker the size of a sun), the Galaxy Gun (A weapon that produces incredibly small and localised cosmic phenomena), the Phantom Zone Projector (Which could project an image of a pair of stripy underpants), the Infinity Gauntlet (A glove that could replicate itself) and so on. When asked what any of these actually are supposed to do or how they will actually help, Cleverbrane will usually reply to say ‘because science’.

Those few devices he has created that actually do have useful purposes (Or are even feasibly usable to begin with) will usually work once or twice at best before breaking, exploding, melting or whatever else. In many cases, they will take the unwary Customercon operating it with them. Of course, since Customercons spawn at insane rates and have very little self-preservation to begin with, everyone seems to be okay with this.

Behind the scenes

Cleverbrane’s name is a tribute to another fanonical genius scientist, Smartmind.