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Doctor Cattletruck
Biographical information
Homeworld

Hfil

Date of birth

19xx

Physical description
Alternate Mode

Orange Steam Locomotive (of a non-trademarked variety)

Gender

Male

Sensor color

Dead Grey

Personal information
Allies

Customercons

Enemies

Arbitrary Autobots, Economics, Busses

Profession

Destroyer of worlds

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Bored Fish era

Affiliation

Customercons

"Eat it, Keanseyan Econcomics"
—Doctor Cattletruck (attrib)

Doctor Cattletruck is a very rare example of an Outlier Customercon. Of course, being a Customercon he is completely unaware of his abilities and the effect that they have. Then again, his abilities are also so nonsensical as to make trying to understand them pointless, so it might not be such a bad oversight after all. The end result is that Doctor Cattletruck could be one of the most devastating weapons in the Customercons’ arsenal, if they had any idea of what he could do or how to utilise him.

As a largely obsolete Crabbe body type, Doctor Cattletruck is usually employed to haul heavy loads between different facilities. However, any given institution that Doctor Cattletruck is employed to support will undergo a sudden spontaneous complete economic failure in short order and cease operations. This effect can occur in complete defiance of its own prior performance and operational capacity.

For example, let's say there was a Numbat Squeezing plant that had been undergoing record growth for three consecutive quarters with profits in excess of a billion UCU. If Doctor Cattletruck was assigned to transport Numbats to the plant, then it would initially operate as per normal. Then, abruptly, the plant would announce record losses, mass layoffs and a planned closure. Of course, this means that there would be a glut of Numbats on the market, which would only serve to further depress the Numbat Squeezings industry.

This is, in fact, the result of Doctor Cattletruck’s Outlier ability. His spark generates an economic entropy field that causes the collapse of economic activity around him. This effect accumulates over time, but the more time that Doctor Cattletruck spends around a location (for example, the more deliveries he makes to it) the greater the chance of economic collapse becomes. The only way to avoid this is to have the tank taunt off at seven stacks Doctor Cattletruck rotate between different sites. Or, on the other hand, shooting him into space would also work.

However, because cause and effect are concepts largely lost on Customercons, they continue to assign Doctor Cattletruck to keeping their vital industries working. And, in doing such, they ensure their destruction. It’s strange how these things work.

Capabilities

Aside from his Outlier ability, Doctor Cattletruck is a normal example of the Crabbe body type. He is very strong and durable, and is able to pull heavy loads over fixed railway lines. In robot mode, he is armed with a steam-powered rail gun. This is not a weapon that uses electromagnets to propel a projectile, mind you. Instead, it shoots railway tracks. It’s not that practical a weapon, but then again, this is a robot that turns into a steam train we’re talking about here. Practicality went out the window a long time ago.

Due to the age of his body and the fact that it is no longer in production, Doctor Cattletruck is very maintenance intensive and prone to breakdowns. This can result in him being stranded mid-delivery, which can in turn cause pockets of economic disruption. He once shut down an animatronic dinosaur themed golf course by simply breaking down near it.

Trivia

Despite his name, Doctor Cattletruck is not actually a doctor

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