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Dronepayload
Joe Momma
Biographical information
Homeworld

Hfil

Physical description
Alternate Mode

Conspicuously generic armoured van

Gender

Male

Sensor color

Dead grey (Robot mode)

Personal information
Allies

Customercons

Enemies

Arbitrary Autobots, fire, obstacles, physics

Profession

Pally

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Bored Fish era

Affiliation

Customercon

"Invt pls"
—Joe Momma

Even among the direful standards of the Customercons, there are a few who are considered to be exceptionally dull. Joe Momma is one of those. What is really impressive is that he actually works hard to achieve that dubious achievement.

Joe Momma accomplishes this amazing feat through a number of different elements working together. First and foremost, he has an amazing lack of communication skills. He talks only in short, clipped statements, often completely devoid of vowels and thus deprived of meaning. This isn’t like the clipped language used by Roflcoptur, however, which seems to be primarily aimed at insulting other people. Rather, Joe Momma seems to be talking about himself, and trying to latch on to those around him.

Added to this, Joe is exceptionally unaware of his surroundings to the point of accidental self-harm. If there is fire, he will stand in it. If there is a laser, he will stare at it. If there is a missile coming towards him with an obvious graphic as to where it will land, then he will be there with his arms outstretched as if to catch it. He also has a habit of running into obvious obstacles, and has become notorious for getting himself stuck on the most trivial of obstacles, such as fountains or waist-high fences.

Finally, Joe Momma is exceptionally greedy, and will try to take anything he can lay his hands or even his grepper claw on. This is regardless of if whatever he gets is actually of any use to him or, for that matter, would be more use to anyone else. Should somebody else try to get something, he will constantly needle them to get them to hand it over.

Capabilities

Joe Momma usually will try to assemble a group of twenty-four other Customercons to go with him to achieve whatever objective he needs. When something goes wrong, he will blame everyone else for whatever happened, even when it was obviously his fault. It does appear, however, that Joe is incapable of doing anything on his own, and rather relies on other Customercons to ‘carry’ him to his objective.

Trivia

Unlike other Van Dude body types, Joe Momma has no company markings on his van mode. Rather he has a few blank grey panels where said logos would be.

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